Anxiety will always be a part of me.

Anxiety has always been a part of me. Ever since I can remember, it has always made its presence. Anxiety has ruined some of which should have been the happiest moments of my life. My anxiety plays scenarios in my head that are probably never going to happen. My anxiety makes me want to hate myself, it convinces me to believe that everyone around me does too. When I am alone with my thoughts, I sit and torture myself. My anxiety makes me believe the worst, that voice inside my head never shuts-up. That voice inside my head, makes me believe that the whole world is against me.

My anxiety turns every positive into a negative. Sometimes, my anxiety makes it impossible for me to do anything. Sometimes, my anxiety makes it impossible for me to face the world. My anxiety makes me question myself and my existence. As I lay crying in my bed because my anxiety won’t let me sleep, I scream “all I want is to be normal”. But, my anxiety makes me feel like I am not normal and I will never be. My anxiety makes me feel like this world would be a better place without me.

My anxiety makes everything difficult for me, friendships, even relationships. My anxiety makes it really difficult for me to socialise. If I’m having a conversation with someone and I am supposed to listen. My anxiety makes that impossible, my anxiety distracts me with a million thoughts. It’s like my brain goes into panic mode. I zone out, I can’t seem to concentrate. I get agitated, I start sweating, my hands start to shake, I start biting my skin off the side of my nails, I avoid eye-contact with that person. I then end up looking like an idiot, because I have to ask them to repeat what they have just said. As I sit there listening to their conversation, I sit there questioning my every move and my every blink. My anxiety makes me terrified and anxious of looking stupid.

Mariam

--

--

--

teacher, coffee, books, mental health | Tw: @MariamK95 Insta: teaandmaz

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

I don’t feel like writing today

Brain Battles

Who Will Save you?

Tinnitus and the ‘Mindfulness Cure’

Summer From Hell

notes on mourning and memory in a moment of collective grief

How hypnotherapy can cure your irrational fears

How I Overcame My Anxiety

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Mariam Khatoon

Mariam Khatoon

teacher, coffee, books, mental health | Tw: @MariamK95 Insta: teaandmaz

More from Medium

What are we asking ourselves?

Like A Switch

Random Mental Peace perspectives for our 21st Century

Knowing Me, Knowing You