I don’t know what I’m doing

I recently turned 26, I look at others my age and I think to myself that they have achieved so much more than I have. Those friends and acquaintances that I went to school and university with have their lives together. They have their own homes, good jobs and even children. Their lives look awesome. I very well know social media and what they choose to post on social media is only a highlight of their life. But I can’t help but compare. It’s still better than mine.

I’m a teacher, I’ve completed my MA, I have savings. Which I am so grateful for, but, am I happy? Happiness is something that I have been searching for, for a very long time. I feel so confused and lost, I have been for a while. I have a good job, I like going into work. I like what I do. A few years ago I wanted to be a ‘content creator’, I wanted to write books for children. I still do, I’ve started quite a few, but I have lost my creativity. One of my life goals is to be a content creator. I want to inspire people, I want to live my life inspiring others. I read an article today about how to get started as a content creator, and one of the main point was to “build an audience”. That should be the only goal if you are starting as a content creator. I very well know that I am just starting up and my main focus is finding my voice and creating content that I want. I don’t want to copy anyone else. I want to be unique.

The three things I like writing about and enjoy are life, mental health and books. Oh, and coffee so four. I want to be true to myself, I want to be honest. This year, I want to give everything that I do my very best. I want to whole-heartedly put my heart into everything that I do, and if I fail, I will know that I gave it my best. The world is currently at a halt. I have found it very hard working from home (well, teaching from home). It’s been hard trying to find a life/work balance. Trying to sit and write has been next to impossible, every time I’ve cleaned my room and sat down to write, I have lacked both inspiration and motivation. I’ve been sat at my desk since 9:30 this morning to sit and write something down and it’s 12:57 and I’m about to go downstairs to grab some lunch. I miss sitting in coffee shops and people watching. That used to inspire me to write, when we are allowed and some sort of normality is back, we are going to cherish those moments more than we ever have.

Until next time,

Mariam x

teacher, coffee, books, mental health | Tw: @MariamK95 Insta: teaandmaz