I write because writing saved me when I couldn’t save myself.

“That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.” — John Green

I write because I desperately want to understand the person that is living inside me. I write because the voice inside my head won’t leave me alone. I write about my trauma, to remember how strong I had to be. I write to show how far I’ve come. I write because my every scar has a story to tell. Now, more than ever, I feel lost. More lost than I have ever felt in my whole life. Writing is my therapy. Writing offers me this release, release from pain, depression and confusion from this crazy world. Writing has given my life a meaning. I believe that everyone needs a mechanism to release the weight from their shoulders and writing does that. Most importantly, writing has taught me that I am human and just like others, I hurt too.

I write because I’m scared. I’m terrified. I write because sometimes, I want to escape reality and writing allows me to do that. Writing allows me to create a world that I want to be in. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write because I am in love with the world that I’ve created inside my head. I write because there is a story behind every smile, every laugh, every scar, every tear and every heartbreak.

I write because writing allows me to be anyone that I want to be. I write because I am in control of my story, how it starts and how it ends. I get to erase certain parts and re-write them. I get to decide the drama, tragedy, loss, love and adventure. I write to dream, I write to connect with strangers, to meet new people and connect with others who I might never had any contact with otherwise. I write to know that I am not alone. I write because I know that I can’t control my life, but I can control my version. I write about my present because I’m so confused and trying to figure out how to survive it. I write about my future because I can write it exactly how I dream and wish it could be.

I write about the people I love who are no longer alive. I write to keep them alive. I write about the conversations that I couldn’t have and the ones I wish that I had. I like to write about what my life would be like if they were still alive today. I write not because I miss them, but because it helps me find myself. I write because after grief, now, I see the world from a different point of view. I write not because I’m constantly living in pain. I’m not anymore, but in my world, this is my normal. I write because love, happiness and gratefulness are my every day, but so are death, loss, heartache, and grief. I write about them not because I am stuck or because I haven’t moved on, but because I am theirs and they are mine and no passing of time will ever change that. I write because writing keeps my nightmares away and saves me from my reality, that I wish to so desperately escape. I write because writing comes from the heart. I write because I believe in the power of words. I truly believe that words have the power to change both you and I.

The more I write, the more this crazy world makes sense to me. I write because I truly believe that I am in control of how my story ends.

Mariam x

teacher, coffee, books, mental health | Tw: @MariamK95 Insta: teaandmaz