What it means to have your shit together

I like to pretend that I have my shit together. I like to pretend that I know exactly what I’m doing and where I’m going in life. I’ve always been a planner, I have my life planned out in to-do lists, planners, calendars and itineraries.

The first thing that I do when I wake up is pick up my phone and scroll through Twitter, look through my stories on Instagram and spend time scrolling through TikTok. It’s become a part of our daily routine, there is no denying that.

As I lay in bed, scrolling through my Instagram feed, I see people that I graduated and went to school with announcing their engagements, some are about to be parents, some have bought their first homes and some have been promoted at work. And me? I’ve had pasta for dinner fourth night in a row, friends are far and few and coffee is the one thing I look forward to everyday. I remember sitting in lectures at university and thinking, I can’t wait till I graduate, I used to think that life after graduation would be amazing. I thought I would have my life together. By that I mean, landing my dream job that paid well, married, my dream car and my own home, all before I turned 30. I’m 26 and I have no idea where my life is going, I’m literally yolo-ing my way through life day by day.

I’m sorry, but your twenties suck. I’m from a generation where we like to post our lives on social media for the world to see. We like to seek validation through likes of people we barely even know. We’ve all become so good at lying and faking that we have our lives together. I wonder how people perceive me by what I post on social media, do they look at me and go ‘yes, she has her life together.’ Anyone else create stories in their heads by looking at pictures we see on social media, pictures that are most likely staged, edited and filtered.

They don’t see the panic attack I had before leaving the house this morning. They don’t see the tears I’ve cried before falling asleep because I’m about to lose the people I love. They don’t see how stressed I am because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. They don’t see my mental illness that I’m fighting every single day. I hate that we compare ourselves to others, our friends and our acquaintances who we think have achieved so much since leaving high school or graduation, and we wish our lives looked ‘like that’.

Its crazy because we all very well know that our social media doesn’t truly represent our lives. We all know that everyone posts their highlight reels and no one is posting their failures, yet we still make ourselves believe that everyone is doing better that us. I wonder if there ever will come a time where we feel like we have our lives together or do we just become so good at lying, pretending and faking that we have our shit together.

I come from a generation where we think we have our shit together when we grab brunch with our friends on a lazy Saturday morning, when we grab our second cup of coffee to post on our Instagram story. We like to spend our money on nights out and eating out. We want someone to message us good morning, but we don’t want to commit to a relationship. We just want to Netflix and chill.

But really, what does it mean by ‘having your shit together?’.

Mariam x

teacher, coffee, books, mental health | Tw: @MariamK95 Insta: teaandmaz